Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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