it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
