No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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