My balls are so social today.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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