Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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