Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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