i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
