I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
