just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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