okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
