If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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