So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
