Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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