yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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