The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
