FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
