you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
