My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
