Can i not drive my cunt home
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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