We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
