They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
