I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
