if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
