Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
