I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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