i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
