Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
