I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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