end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
