i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
