he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
