Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
