About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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