they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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