the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
