I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
