Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
