You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
