Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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