It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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