Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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