her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
