Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
