these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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