I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
