i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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