you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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