I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
