I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
