WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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