Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
